Schooooools OUT!

Thank God that is over.
Today as we drove away from Macalester I began to seriously wonder if these past few weeks did some permanent damage to my brain.
This morning I misplaced my keys literally every time I wasn't using them, including when I left (thank you Kyera for bringing them out to the car).
In addition, I've recently forgotten how to right click on my macbook.
And now I'm sitting in a living room in Wisconsin with a cat who breathes too loudly and a guy who still has a 15 page paper due on Monday.
Life is good, I think.

-B

Review of Rainman

In a few words:
Decent for the 80's, aka unimpressive
Too long.
Only received a 33% from the Top Critics on RottenTomatoes.com

I'm not quite sure why Rain Man won a Best Picture award, Tom Cruise and his racially ambiguous girlfriend were mediocre at best, not to mention that they were both pretty unlikable.
Really Dustin Hoffman was the only decent thing in Rain Man.
Don't go see it.

-B

Happy Birthday

20 is a weird age. I'm realizing that as an official woman my mind is beginning to work differently.I guess I'm thinking differently.
When a man says hi I assume that he is hitting on me.
When I begin dating someone I automatically think 10 years ahead to when I'm married with kids.
I'm more aware of how I carry myself.
When I was younger I used to think that all grown up women wore lipstick. I thought there would be a point in time when I would want to start painting my lips red. It's so strange how that snuck up on me.

-B

Canes

Yesterday an older man holding a cane offered to help me carry some of the things I acquired from Target. I would have taken him up on it if we hadn't been at the bus stop at University and Snelling, a spot notorious for creepy men who like to hit on girls 1/4 their age.I was in bed last night when it occurred to me that I should have asked him how much help he expected to be with a cane. I wish I would have thought of that.

Bimbola

Mississippi

Yesterday outside of Chino Latino(dinning with Minneapolis's finest) Tyson and I were approached by a drunk man of Trinidad-Tobago with something to say.
After we clarified exactly who the man wanted to speak with (he assured Tyson that it wasn't him) he proceeded to explain to me how I looked exactly like his ex-girlfriend. Apparently from my hair to some other features which he attempted to indicate with his hands in a vague motion resembling a wave, this girl and I could be twins.
Then he added some other fun facts about her. Like the fact that she's a social worker in Mississippi. I didn't have much to say about his ex's social work and I know nothing of this place "Mississippi,"
so I nodded and smiled a lot. I have no clue what Tyson was doing. Probably being awkward like everyone else in the scenario. I felt bad for the man's date who was staring at her water really hard. Probably wishing she was drunk too. Some blondes at the next table over looked appalled.
Oh and then we saw a lady who didn't look very suspicious get arrested outside of some sort of hipster gathering in Uptown. One particular hipster found the whole scene extremely entertaining. It was nice to see someone so happy, I guess. Never a dull moment in "The Star of the North."

-B

Books

This week I finished I Am Charlotte Simmon, White Oleander and Towelhead. I had forgotten how much I loved books. I think they're better than people.

When I was in Nigeria my feet swelled up and none of my shoes would fit right except for a pair of flip flops half a size too big. I think it was the heat.
It's the first time in my life I've ever felt like I had fat feet.

-B

I'm from a city in the midwest. Best city in the whole wide world.

I would like to draw everyone's attention to today's issue of the Columbia Tribune:
http://www.columbiatribune.com/2008/Jul/20080710Newsindex.asp

What the fuck?
Jordan was 100% on point when she said that our local newspaper looked like an issue of The Onion today.

-The second monkey attack in less than a year?
-Woman(illegally)climbs 309 ft smoke stack before napping at the top, and taking two hours to get back down?!
-Belligerent man approaches officers after being STABBED IN THE NECK?

Today's issue was better than the day the semi-truck full of all those frozen ribblets tipped over and stopped traffic for an entire morning.
Oh oh! Or the time there was a fight at my high school which included the use of a tazor and a police officer being treated for minor scratches by the school nurse.

My God I love Columbia, Missouri.

-B

The 4th of July is over. Stop shooting off fireworks.

It's a known fact that you're not suppose to go to sleep mad but has anyone actually tried this? It's especially difficult when the perpetrator is right next to you, sleeping like a worthless old man after a long day of Jeopardy and creamed corn. Nothing is worse than fuming by yourself. More the reason that it seems almost impossible to resolve your resentment before sleep. It can only get worse in the wee hours of the morning when you're left with your own thoughts and the sound of obnoxiously loud semi's speeding down Snelling Ave.
I tried yoga. My box of Yogi tea told me the particular move would make me smile.In the end there was nothing to smile about and I think I pulled a hamstring. I felt like an idiot, in the dark, rotating my hips with my flaccid wrists dangling in front of my body--my arms looking like that of a T-Rex. Not cute and once again, nothing to smile about.
I will say that this bit of blogging has helped. This and listening to Witch's Hat.

Huzzah Huzzah!
Hooray Hooray!

-B

Sex, Drugs and Yogi Tea

Well I can't sleep which is unfortunate because I have to work at 9. I was sure it was the Yogi Indian Spice tea I drank but go figure, it's caffeine-free. The only other way that it's the tea is if the thousand year old(and not FDA approved) "reviving" and "energizing" recipe is legit. Speaking of the tea, I think there's a good chance that I'm going to try and return it. Tonight I read on the box, "Love our tea as much as we do, or we'll gladly refund your money" and well, I don't love this particular flavor as much as I'm sure they do.
The fact of the matter is that I am just so broke that the extra five dollars is looking damn good. It's so weird to have spent your paycheck on things like cell phone bills, housing and food before you even receive it. I feel like one of those working class families on the news, living paycheck to paycheck,telling the children there won't be any presents under the Christmas tree this year.
I mean what gives? I'm supposed to be spending my money on things like tattoos and sex and drugs and rock n' roll and all the other things us young people love so much.

Bimbola

Charlotte Simmons

I've been thinking a lot about Charlotte Simmons lately.(Yes I'm still reading I am Charlotte Simmons.It's like, Bible thick. The actual Bible, not those dinky pocket things).
Anyway, what about Charlotte Simmons?
Basically I can't stand her. She's a rude, prude-y, judgmental, lame douche bag and all she does is exclaim when people say "fuck" or have sex. I mean come on Charlotte. What did you expect? It's COLLEGE. On top of that, Tom Wolfe keeps reminding the reader that Charlotte is from North Carolina and has this gross southern drawl.
Reasonably, this only makes me hate her more.
If fictional book characters went to sketchy basement parties, I'd want Charlotte Simmons to drunkenly hook up with Holden Caufield(The Catcher in the Rye). I think they'd be really good for each other, as I hate them both.

Goodnight.

-B

Highschool

In the year 2030, Facebook will replace yearbooks.


Sean:
Bimbola Akinbola, you're my BimBOOla AkinBOOla!

Melissa:
boo, what's going on? brother brother brother. I'm like Marvin Gaye except mexican and with boobies. also, I'm going to start a series of comics called Harry Pooter. Or maybe Hairy Pooter. I hope it hasn't already been done because then that means I've got no creativity and I'll be sad. I really miss you. Talk to me please.

J-boo:
Sean, lemme into my prom queef group plz kthnx.

T♥ = Limit of (1/(x+2)) as X->-2
?

-B

On Books

So yesterday I started reading a book called A Four Sided Bed.
On page 17 I decided it was the first book since March that was worthy of the Edward Hopper bookmark Tyson brought me back from Chicago. I then created a Reading playlist on iTunes in its honor.

And then I received a lesson in not counting your chickens before they hatch, or putting all your eggs in one basket, or something.

Synopsis
JJ (the boyfriend) gets Fed-Ex'ed a musty 8 year old braid that his ex-girlfriend, Kin saved. We find out that the braid was cut off(of his head) after he spent some time in a mental hospital for his schizophrenia which has magically vanished.Next, it is revealed that his girlfriend may have actually been a BOYfriend.This causes Alice(the current girlfriend) to start thinking that she has AIDS, you know, because the girlfriend was maybe a boyfriend.

At this point in the novel I decided to go to sleep, where I had a series of bizarre dreams causing me to wake up at 6:30am thinking a little too hard about AIDS and stank braids in general.

Perhaps this wasn't the carefree summer reading I was looking for.
On a whim I skipped 30 pages, giving A Four Sided Bed one last chance to redeem itself. Alice was talking about biting her step fathers tongue.

So I took A Four Sided Bed back to the library. It wasn't open but I had to get rid of it immediately, so I tossed it in the book drop.
In an effort to restore my sleep cycle and normal thoughts I have started reading I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe.

I'll leave you with a quote from the text:
"Know'm saying"
Call yo'self a cop? Swap yo' dick and yo' ass,
Ev'ry time you shit, yo' balls go plop plop.
Wipe yo' dick, and it bleeds choc'late.
You needs to fuck with yo' butt, cocksucking cop cop.
Know'm saying?"


Plop, plop indeed.

Finally...

my creativity is back.

The Walgreens Family

I go to Walgreens too much.
I'm going for my third time since Monday. And I'm wearing the same neon pink high tops I wore the first two times I went. I want to make sure they remember me.
It would be great if I could become a Walgreens regular. I'd just walk into Walgreens and the guy at the register would know what I needed. All I'd have to say is, "I'll have the regular".
If I looked sick, Jane would head straight to the pharmacy.
If it was that time of the month Tim would know and go skipping to the feminine aisle the second I walked through the door.
In the summer when I was hot and dehydrated Marcy would grab me some refreshing iced tea from the cold beverage aisle.
In the winter I could get occasional rides from the employees. They would start inviting me to company parties and then family events.

I can hardly believe that these are the things I think about.

I really must get to Walgreens before 5.

-B

On Solicitation

So yesterday at my second job I got to thinking a lot about the act of solicitation. No not sex. Money.
I don't exactly know the specifics of my contract so this may be vague.
Anyway, this job I speak of involves calling other people. And thanking them for donations aka reminding them to donate again. It's an alright job but I've just recently begun to realize how physically ill awkward conversations make me.
Often after I get off of the phone after a series of awkward pauses/chuckles and,
"Well..."
"Yeah I..."
"Oh! You go ahead!"
"Oh no you can talk..."
I gag.
It's as if my body is trying to eject the experience from my bowels.
Sorry if that was graphic.(Also I'm pretty sure vomiting isn't the act of ejecting things from your bowels, for those of you who were concerned.)
Anyway yesterday I noticed that the girl next to me also gaged after getting off the phone, which is what got me thinking that this may be a universal phenomenon.
(And then I began wondering why in that case people weren't gagging up and down sidewalks all day long,here at Macalester.)

On that note, I have something to say about crosswalks.
When I am crossing the street and YOU are waiting at a red light. DO NOT stare at me. It makes me uncomfortable.
And then I start questioning things that I shouldn't care about like my outfit and my hair and my sunglasses and my intellect. And by the time I get to the other side of the street I have the self esteem of an adolescent girl with no friends.And body image issues.
What are you looking at anyway?
-B

Expect Nothing

As I finish my last piece of souvenir taffy, I must say, I am amazed that I ate all of that taffy alone. And now, I am sad that it's all gone.
While I know that emotions this complex are difficult to find in such a cold world, don't worry because, what the fuck, I'm starting a blog?
I think my last blog was sometime around 8th grade and went:
"Blah blah boring boring unimportant unimportant. Oh my God, the yellow font on the orange background is blinding me." Or something to that effect.
Blogs are "difficult spaces" because they constantly border on the edge of "complete shit" and "mildly entertaining". Unfortunately, everyone thinks that their blog falls into the "REALLY entertaining" category which is really just tragic.
Everyone except me that is. I have no expectations and neither should anyone else.
I think I'll end on that note. Have a pleasant afternoon.

-B